With private jets, luxury mansions and £10k shopping trips, the question is, who wouldn't? But, Caroline Kent discovers, this lavish lifestyle can come with a serious price tag - and we're not just talking money.
Like lots of us do these days, I met my boyfriend on a dating website. But what I didn't realise, when I clicked on his profile, was that he had the net worth of a small country. After we'd exchanged a few messages, I saved his profile photo and put it into a search engine and that's when the penny (many, many pennies) dropped.
Honestly, at first, it put me off, because it hadn't been my intention to bag someone like that, and I couldn't help but think, 'What on earth does he want with someone like me?' But when I met him at a very chic restaurant in Mayfair, he seemed extremely normal. He was looking for a girlfriend but had less time on his hands to meet someone, and an unwillingness to hang out in bars flirting with anyone who came his way. Within a week of us dating, he was telling me to give up my job as a struggling writer so that we could hang out whenever he wanted. And, yes, I actually considered it.
Over the next few months, I was flown around the world on a monthly basis to meet him, from Africa to Italy to Dubai. We never flew together, because we were rarely in the same place at the same time, but I was too caught up in my new life to care. He had more self-confidence than any man I had ever met, and it was refreshing to be with someone who knew exactly what he wanted. And boy, did he always get it. I fantasised about our future: that we would be treated like royalty, that our lives would be shared and, though I didn't bring a bunch of cash to the table, the things I did bring would be acknowledged.
Looking back, I should have known from our first date that he wasn't a normal guy. His habit of ordering four main courses in quick succession after trying a mouthful of each and deciding it wasn't to his taste was the first indicator that perhaps, like the Michelin-star food he sent back to the kitchen, I would never quite be good enough. He once took me to the beauty department at Selfridges and spent £3,000 at one counter on concealers, foundations and powders, because he found me too pale. I went along with it because, frankly, I wanted the haul, but this sort of back-handed, money-splashing "improvement" work was typical; when money was spent, it was ultimately always with his satisfaction in mind, not mine.
After a year of dating my über-wealthy man, my jet-setting life began to seem like a glorified commute based around his business schedule. I was expected to stay up to greet him (looking flawless, of course), and then live on Chinese time so his sleeping pattern wasn't disturbed and business could carry on as normal. But due to the nocturnal hours expected, I saw very little of him. Despite having enough in the bank to mobilise a small army, he could barely afford to spend an evening with me. Believe what you want about the benevolent Bill Gates breed of billionaire, but you're kidding yourself if you think the super wealthy get that way by being 'nice guys'. The same uncompromising attitude that these men apply to business is replicated in their personal relationships.
"What you typically see with relationships where there's a lot of money involved," explains Kim Stephenson, relationship psychologist and author of Taming The Pound, "is a woman who ends up as a trophy. It takes a very strong woman not to become pretty much an appendage to a man who has so much power, influence and money (these are often interchangeable)."
"I didn't have my boobs done when he met me," says Catina*, the achingly well-groomed long-term lover of a billionaire Brazilian businessman. "He preferred the way enhanced ones felt in bed, so he sent me to get them done soon after we met. If I don't do what he wants, he'll find someone else who will. I rely on him for the lifestyle he can provide me, so I go along with it to keep him happy."
Selling out your independence for a man who can provide may seem hideously outdated to most of us, but for über-wealthy WAGs, it's a sacrifice worth making for the lifestyle that a super-rich husband offers. "I'm well educated," says Alexandra, whose husband leads a publishing and technology empire. "I was making my own money as a model, but I fell in love and it made sense for me to park my career and concentrate on making a family with him. I see so many women who force themselves to be independent, to never accept help, to deny wanting a family life, because they don't trust or want a man to provide for them. It's seen as the 'wrong' decision, but my life, my status in the world, has elevated. People fall over themselves to help me and open doors for me as they know I'm his wife."
Having a wardrobe full of designer clothes provided by a boyfriend may seem like a daydream, but the fact that his card pays for it all gives Catina's boyfriend a big say in what she buys. "On one of our first dates, we went out for breakfast and I said my shoes hurt, so he had his driver pull in to Harrods and he dropped £10,000 on an outfit for me." But what first seemed like generosity soon turned into 'buying' her acquiescence. As he pays for her clothes, Catina's boyfriend's tastes apply to her wardrobe, too. "Everything I buy goes on his credit card, so I end up dressing for him more than for me. He's very specific about how I should look, and expects me to send him photos of the outfit I'll wear for dinner, so he can veto anything he doesn't like. He likes me to always have my legs on show, and he prefers blondes, so I dye my hair for him. I'll go through four outfits a day when he's around, I'm kind of like a living fashion show for him." Being impeccably groomed is expected at all times. "It's a chore. I don't wake up like this, but that's what he expects to see. I don't think he has any idea how much work is involved."
That complete control also extends to the five properties a billionaire will typically own. Hidden security cameras, private weapons and IT supervision lurk amid the private Pilates studios and sprawling penthouses. Whether all this leads a super-wealthy wife to feel safe or suffocated is a different matter. "I don't have my 'own' iPhone or laptop. He has access to everything, all the IT links back to his personal system, he likes being able to check up on everything from wherever he is in the world," explains Catina. "There are cameras and motion sensors all through the house for security, and trackers on all the cars. At any time of day or night, he'll know exactly where I am and be able to watch what I'm doing."
This level of supervision can hardly be a healthy environment for a mutually respectful relationship, but micro-managing is usual for the super-rich. "He schedules everything, or at least his PA does - and yes, that includes sex. If he's in town, she makes reservations for dinner twice a week, and the two hours after we eat are reserved for sex. His PA knows not to expect him to pick up his phone then."
Catina's stories rang true for me, too. Ultimately, what led me to break up with my billionaire boyfriend was that his first priority was always money, never me. I felt like a toy for him to pick up, play with, then put back on the shelf when he had more important things to do. I might as well have been another of his cars, expected to be clean and shiny and waiting in the garage for when he wanted to take me out.
Yet it's little surprise that some of these men can be such uncompromising partners. "If you have enough, you can make most problems go away by throwing money at them," explains Marya, the New York-based wife of a billionaire property magnate. "We have lots of issues, but I doubt we'd ever divorce. He knows it doesn't reflect well on your professional life if your personal life is a shambles, and he spends most of his time abroad, so the status of our marriage isn't a pressing issue. When it comes to a marriage, money doesn't make things easier. I've made a lot of compromises, and our relationship is very functional, but I stick with it because my lifestyle makes up for the lack of other things that most people take for granted in their relationship."
And that includes intimacy. "Early on in our relationship, he knew he had the money to make all his sexual fantasies come true - and we were wild," says Marya. "He was a connoisseur of vibrators, he had an absolute fetish for them and would spend thousands on the internet on sex toys from all over the world - there is still a secret closet full of them at our London house. We had almost weekly threesomes with escorts, which I really enjoyed!" But like a lot of marriages, the spark faded and life got in the way.
"Now I am a mother to his children and little more. I know I could never satisfy him completely and I wouldn't even attempt to try, but we have an arrangement and it works for us," says Marya, though she doesn't look quite as if she believes what she's saying. "Of course, he's got a girlfriend, but those two would never be together, she's too fiery, he just doesn't have time for all that. I don't mind, because it frees my time to do what I want. I'm just worried she'll 'accidentally on purpose' get pregnant to force him to commit."
This isn't the first time I've heard about a woman popping holes in a condom because she's so keen to get her super-wealthy boyfriend to settle on her. Another woman I met through my ex told me about how her boyfriend, from a billionaire Saudi family, dragged her into his car and drove her to a private clinic where he demanded she have his baby aborted. He paid for the procedure, deposited a large sum of money in her bank account, then fled back to his country and married the woman he was already engaged to.
It's far from the fairytale ending most of us would envisage, but it's often more than simply money that drives a woman to willingly enter this sort of relationship in the first place. The breakdown of my family as a child, the uncertainty over where and with whom I would live, led me to controlling and cold men who gave me some sort of certainty. Of course, the catch is that you're secure and well taken care of only for as long as you do as you're told. "And it's worth remembering," urges Stephenson, "that 40 years or so of psychological research shows that once you've got enough to pay the regular bills, put food on the table and have a roof over your head, money makes no difference to happiness."
Though filled with material luxuries, beautiful homes, gorgeous food, exotic travel and the social status that money seems to bring, the life of a billionaire's girlfriend can be isolating. WAGs often see little of their loved one, who has his empire to maintain, and finding friends whose lives they can relate to is almost impossible. "Our relationship is certainly not like my parents'," sighs Catina. "I am often worried he'll grow tired of me. I'm addicted to this life. It's high-maintenance and demanding, but exciting. I don't think I could ever live a normal life again. I don't want a normal job, to go to the supermarket and struggle to pay the rent like everyone else. So, the fact it could all disappear at the click of his fingers? That's terrifying."
And it's exhausting to live with that, as I found out. I began to crave a normal guy. Someone who would watch TV in his pyjamas with me rather than renting out an entire cinema so he didn't have to sit near anyone he didn't know. Someone who would come to my home town and meet my family instead of flying me across the world at his beck and call. Who would save up to buy me a thoughtful gift, rather than decking me out in fancy clothes because he wanted me to look like his fantasy girl. Someone who would open up about his insecurities and fears and truly have time to listen to mine. Memories or emotional support cannot be bought - and when I find a normal guy to give them to me, I'll appreciate it a billion times more.
*Names have been changed.
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