I remember the first time I came home from spending a holiday at their house. This was years after they met and a few months after they started living together. I'd always been fond of my son's girlfriend, Stephanie, but after spending time in her and Johnathan's home and seeing their relationship in everyday life, I was enamored and excited.
As they managed the demands of meals, guests, and new traditions, the most common phrase I heard them exchange was: "You're good." It was such a comfort to me. Through those words, I felt their consideration, the way they looked out for one another, the way they spoke directly and apologized when things seemed out of turn or felt off in some way.
It's the type of relationship I've always envisioned for myself, as someone who's been single for 26 years.
Their relationship seems to be healthy and stable
The idea of a partner consistently reminding the other that who they are is OK, their efforts are seen, and their mistakes and mishaps are welcome encouraged me so much. It's beautiful to see how much comfort a simple phrase offers. This is grace in action.
Advertisement
Beyond grace, I could see how close they were as people and friends. They enjoy each other. They know one another intimately and show up in ways that support, encourage, and enliven the other. They laugh wholeheartedly and carve out time to spend together. At the same time, they encourage time spent individually and with friends and family.
I so appreciate the way they both set aside one-on-one time with their moms. And by the way, Stephanie's family is just as welcoming and loving as she is. I can see how much they love, appreciate, and respect my son's role in her life and the great lengths they go to support their union.
I've also noticed they accept each other fully
Neither is perfect, but they've accepted all aspects of one another — including the "flaws" others may judge or shame. Holding each other in the highest regard, they clearly want nothing more than to see the other thriving and happy.
Even in disagreement, I've never seen them disparage one another.
Advertisement
They're devoted and consistently serve each other while working together as partners. Without asking, demanding, or expecting, they serve from the heart. They thoroughly enjoy helping one another be the best version of themselves. With care and attentiveness, they push one another to be better people, go after their goals, and stay connected to personal growth.
Neither is selfish, and as far as I can tell, they make decisions based on how the result will serve their relationship — not themselves.
I can think of no better way to live in relation to another, and I'm eternally grateful to see it playing out in my son's life.
It's been interesting to see his happy relationship juxtaposed with my past
My marriage ended when my son was 2; 26 years later, I'm still single. I'm sure he felt the loneliness, negligence, survival instincts, trauma responses, and codependency pervasive in my mostly crash-and-burn relationships as he was growing up.
Advertisement
I've been wanting to ask my son how he managed to create such a lovely relationship when he didn't see a healthy example of one in my home. But I'm not sure I'm ready to hear it. I've decided it's not important to shine a light on mistakes and rehash the reasons for them but to trust that we have the power to create a new experience for our lives.
I consistently try to remind myself: While he didn't have healthy relationships as a model when he was growing up, I tried to create loving, accepting, and straightforward communication between my son and me.
Seeing that play out in his relationship with Stephanie gives me so much hope — hope that I'll find a partner, too.
ncG1vNJzZmivp6x7o8HSoqWeq6Oeu7S1w56pZ5ufony0tc2go55lnaS6brTEmqOtoKliv7C5wKeroptdp7KtrdOipqermJ69br%2FOp2SgoaKhs7O1xKebZmpgZ4BufZE%3D